Why Am I Sad At Christmas Time?

I realize it has become a psychological cliche for people to feel sad around the holidays. Of course, every year the stores push back the holidays even further. I think this year I saw Christmas trees at Walmart in August. But this did not trigger sad feelings - I will not let Walmart control my emotional life! Now that's an affirmation you don't hear often.

Perhaps the sadness is due to the music. I weep for human kind. Every other Christmas song is about snow. I hate snow. I spent most of my life in California to escape snow, and now I live in God's sandbox = Arizona.  What is with all these psychopaths who seductively sing "Let it snow, let is snow, let it snow". Yeah, and let your feet freeze and your cheeks get chaped and may you drop your car keys into  a 3 foot high mushy mound of snow where many dogs have relieved themselves! I just cannot find any logic to this cult like worship of snow. If snow were marketable, I could understand the promotion as just part of corporate America's molding of our psyche so they could sell us more snow. But snow just falls from the sky. There's no sales tax on snow.....yet. Is that its appeal - people like snow because it is free?

The Christmas song about Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is particularly cruel if you know the secret meaning behind the words!  The song begins by naming Santa's reindeer, with the words "There's Donner and Blitzen....". Do you  know where the name Donner comes from? It comes from the Donner Party that was trapped a century ago (in what is now called Donner Pass) by SNOW (!!!) and needed to eat each other to survive until spring. When spring comes each year, how come people don't sing about the joy of melting snow bringing flash floods and mud slides.

Perhaps my sadness is from the hype on TV about how good Christmas FEELS.  I was a child during the golden years of TV specials for Christmas, e.g., Charlie Brown, & Lucy,  Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer, Santa sledding on a rotary blade shaver.  What can possibly match up to the hype about Christmas on TV? The Muppets (who seem to have gone into cold storage in some warehouse) have old holiday specials replayed with John Denver, (who is resting in peace on grandma's feather bed). Such benign Christmas specials focus on love and friendship which requires that everyone sing (calm down, Will) about SNOW!!

By the way, you can tell what decade each special was made by Miss Piggy's changing hair style - from Farah Fawsett to Lindsey Lohan. I'd like to see a new Muppets special where Miss Piggy "does a Britney Spears on meth" routine and shaves her head. I know my Muppetts example is pretty silly, since if Kermit were to walk into this room right how, I'd probably be on top of the bookcase and calling the exterminator. "Mr Christie, is it a gecko, a large scorpion, or a mouse? You say it is green?  Um, do you happen to be wearing green lensed sunglasses?"

OK, maybe at heart it IS all about my sweet heart. I want the heart to feel something joyous, something really special beyond my expectations that the tryptophan in the turkey will put me to sleep in front of the blue flames of our gas fake fireplace. Yeah, I probably just want to be a little kid again and enjoy the simple faith and joy of the season. A frontal Lobotomy might help.

I've already detailed on my FACEBOOK page my fantasy of hiring actors to portray my ideal Christmas family. To recap, there would be Aunt Bea in the kitchen, and she would tossle my red wig and call me "Opie, dear" all day. Dad would look just like Sheriff Taylor (also from Mayberry) and he'd sing some corny songs with his guitar and wear those kick butt boots that I thought were so sexy as a kid (early signals that this kid is gay). My mom would be Donna Reed, since she always wore pearls, a highly starched "house dress" from the 50's and highheels (early signals that this kid is gay).  My sister would be Hermoine Granger (so I could finally get my hands on her hair with my dog brush). As a brother, I'd probably pick Rock Hudson so I'd have someone to share my paper dolls and 2 Ken Dolls (early signal...blah, blah). For an Aunt and Uncle, I think I'd like Lillly and Herman Munster.  They were strange but very sweet people.

Alas, I have a feeling that even such a contrived Christmas family would not restore that old FEELING, especially (if like my therapist) any of the actors kept sneaking a peak at their watch to see how much longer they'd have to stay in character.

So do I have a poignant solution? Nope, kiddies. I don't. I will say that I realize that metaphysically, Christmas symbolizes the birth of a deeper sense of Self within, what could be called the Christ Self, the Self that is supposedly our True Core Self regardless of how many times we remodel the external personality self. This Christ Self is a matter of spiritual faith. Yes, it feels good to believe in an immanent God, that we are each a manifestation of that Source, like waves on the ocean. Therefore, Christmas becomes a time of reminder of our individual spiritual heritage, a faith that we are so much more than walking talking pieces of meat, being chased by the Donner Party (metaphorically our fears and negative thoughts feeding on us).

Nonetheless, on Christmas I'll consume too much sugar and shake like nervous nelly Don Knotts. I'll pull the crackers and wear a silly hat (Wes and I retain some English/Scottish Christmas traditions that America abandoned just because an invading British soldier with a leaky cigarette lighter burned the White House in 1812).  I'll play with our dogs. I think by then we will have a new little brother for our golden retriever Chandler. I'll watch the Pee Wee Herman Christmas Special from 1987 - the golden years for Pee Wee before his INTIMATE interest in children was known. Nothing is as it seems, including Christmas.

However, I bless those of you who have found and kept a wonderful FEELING of Christmas. Please bottle it for the rest of us.  If there's any of Aunt Bea's pie left, I'll bring you a slice.